wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Randomize
