she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
