i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
