Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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