Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
