Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Randomize
