Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
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