Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Can you bring me the toilet please
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
