this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
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