Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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