I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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