i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
