How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
