My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
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