Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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