fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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