I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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