my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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