I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
I'm at about main and main street
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Randomize
