I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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