Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
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