He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail