I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Randomize
