Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
