and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
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