Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
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Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
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