so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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