I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
