They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
My liver just had a heart attack.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
