bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
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If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
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Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.