We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
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I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
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It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well