Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
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Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
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Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.