Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
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