her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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