I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
