It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
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