I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
It's blow job season.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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