so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
