I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Sorry my hands just texted you
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
I just sucked dick on a ferry
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
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