there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
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