We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Randomize
