You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
Randomize
