i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
