and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
