I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
I feel like abortions should bother me more
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
