Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Randomize
