i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
