my soul wont recognize me after tonight
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
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