i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
