"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
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