You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
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I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
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