Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
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