i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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