why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
