You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
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