Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
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I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
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I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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