he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
