its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
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