...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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