my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
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