Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
