I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
