I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Randomize
