I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
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I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
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If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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