gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
Four minutes until I can fart!
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Randomize
