i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
