Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Randomize
