I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Randomize
