Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Randomize
