Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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