Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
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