I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize