i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
I want her autograph on my taint
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Randomize