I think scott just propositioned me for sex
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
You are a genius and a whore.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
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