Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
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She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
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He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
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