the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
