Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
You smell like stripper and shame
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Randomize
