I want to make a zoo with you.
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
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