The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
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a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
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You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
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