I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
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