i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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