I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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