I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
our cab driver is having phone sex.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
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