thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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