i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Randomize
