I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
