It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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