Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Randomize
