so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Randomize
